My nipple is on Facebook.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
