im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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