She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
