i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
