After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
