he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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