Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
