i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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