I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
