Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
