It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
