I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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