Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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