he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
