Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
