AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Someone came in the potted fern
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
