I like my sex mixed with concussions.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
