Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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