Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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