I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
