You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
