would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
