I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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