I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize