I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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