so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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