Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
