Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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