Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
