How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
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BRING THE BAGELS
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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