So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
