the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Are my feet made of real feet?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
