I just threw up on my dentist
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
