so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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