let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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