i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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