Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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