u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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