Plan B is the new Plan A
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
