I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize