If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
