I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Randomize
