My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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