I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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