Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
