MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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