All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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