Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
