I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
