Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
