i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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