sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
