I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
