Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
