You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
