cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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