when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
