i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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