I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
