do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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