i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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