He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
