I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
