the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
