Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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