His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
