Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
