dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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