Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
