I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Two words: nipple clamps
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