I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
