I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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