He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
