First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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