Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
did you just send me my own nude
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
