I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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